Have a whole bunch of flawed pieces of stories.
This is the tale of Aliphone, whose skills with a bow and arrow were legendary. He considered them impractical for a pottery maker, which he was, so he never used them. He was once asked to fight a Dragon; he smashed a huge piece of pottery over its head. So it goes.
Then cometh the tale of the Grey Fafhrd, whom everyone was convinced would be a great thief. One look at his beady eyes, his disturbing barbarian background, his 7’2″ frame, his habit of wearing slightly illegal weaponry, and his habit of standing next to ‘wanted’ posters made something about him strangely suspicious.
Glorthon was strong, and loved his wife, and loved his children. However, during the six days given to transform him from a farmer to the deadliest performer on the planet, the bass player injured his thumb. Glorthon ended up getting cut out of the second act.
The entire Country mourned her death. Her body was carried by a thousand mourners. A multidenominational group of mourners were there to do her honor.
When she was later resurrected by the Goddess Wynne Jones, she was briefly joyful, but then found out: nobody would trust her with ANYTHING. I mean, if you’d disruprt a whole country just to die, you ought to have the courtesy to stay dead, right?
* * *
“I’m not 100% sure this is morally right, sir,” said the Scientist. The Wizard Researcher waved him away. “Nonsense! The likelihood of tragic death of The Chosen One’s parts is already over 80%. We’re just improving efficiency.”
The Scientist was once again glad he hadn’t had any children.
“This Sword will make any Chosen One more powerful!”
“And give him terrible advice he won’t have time to learn is terrible.”
“Well, you can’t blame US for ignorance. We’re Wizards. Our ignorance is very powerful and very specialized and can’t just be released to the general public.
* * *
So there’s a reason why there’s no exploratory wagons:
They’ve all been roasted by Dragons.
When “Here be Dragons” sayeth the Map,
Anyone who says “Go on!” is crap.
* * *
The Seas host a flourishing trade
Where untold wonders are made
And if sometimes a Kraken takes down a ship complete
Have some compassion–they’ve got to eat!
* * *
“I would say my favorite adventuring party was with the Chosen Ones whose tattoos glowed fiercely in the presence of Evil. He didn’t even get killed. He just got so many fines for disturbing local businesses that nobody thought it was worth killing.
* * *
“I have a skilled watchmaker who’s created a precisely three minute timepiece. As my captor speaks of his plans, I pull it out and start checking the time. At least two separate captors have killed themselves this way.
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