May 21, 2026 / Halloween

Some Reasons Why So Many Witches Become Evil

  1. I realize that Machiavelli said that it is better to be feared than loved…but he didn’t mean by EVERYONE. It gets kinda lonely. You at least need a toady or two.
  2. Do you have ANY IDEA how much it costs build a genuine, fully-functional house out of candy? One that meets both building and health departments in the middle of a forest?
  3. Eye of newt is SO expensive these days.
  4. In other real estate related problems…would you like to guess the monthly feeding bill on a house on chicken logs? No. You do not. And do you want to know what the house actually eats? it’s not people. It’s worse than people. We won’t talk about it.
  5. The ladies find green noses a turn-on. Which statistically helps only a small number of people, but the people it DOES help, it kinda really matters. Even if “The Wizard Of Oz” did make people aware that green noses are inevitable indicators of cruelty and viciousness. We all know this, of course.
  6. You can celebrate Beltane old-school style. For those of you who know what that means, it mean…it isn’t boring, is what I’m saying. Isaac Bonewits would understand.
  7. It takes 25 years to learn how to fly a broom properly. Given the rising cost of petrol, however, this will STILL save you a fortune in the long run.
  8. Children actually taste TERRIBLE but it’s a real bad look not to eat them.
  9. I mean, you never get the flavor out of your oven.
  10. “Magic is change in accordance with Will and a whole ton of good luck.” as Aleister Crowley never, ever would have said. Like never.
  11. You get extra candy on Halloween. We’ve never asked why. We’re afraid someone will…anyway, you get a LOT of candy. Not enough to build a house, but a LOT.
  12. You can turn everyone you like into small animals, which is part of why you’re the only person in your town.
  13. Thirteen is your lucky number; why not go out and cast some curses by the darkling road? It’s so much fun.

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CategoriesHalloween Jeff's Writing microfiction witch

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. He'd love for you to check out patreon.com/jeffmach for his favorite work (it's almost all free!) He's currently working on the Great Catskills Halloween Vendor Market and The Big Dark Lord Dwarf Novel. You can get his last novel, "I HATE YOUR Prophecy", or his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books of shortt fiction. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on X or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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