Koboldian Dungeon Doggerel

Pity the Kobold, o, my friends,
Pity the cannon fodder
They’re kinda like mean upright dogs
Only somewhat odder.

More pathetic creatures you can find
But you have to specialize.
There’s very little that I know
Which quite so easily dies.

Are Hit Dice still a thing?
If so, I’m sure they’ve not much.
They barely fight and barely bite.
And definitely don’t have level-drain touch.*

And yet, every module
Wrote them as most aggressive
Attacking adventurers, stealing their stuff
And being far too possessive.

It’s as if Mr. Gygax said,
“I need a creature most pathetic
So tiny Adventurers don’t die…
But don’t make them sympathetic!”

(Terry Brooks, for what it’s worth
Made them Good-aligned, and killers;
“Magic Kingdom For Sale: Sold”
Is one of life’s great time-killers.)

Oh, Mr. Gygax, thanks
We beat our shield and sword
For giving us experience
Without making us too bored.

* Because that doesn’t exist in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons 5e, I think I’ve heard.