12. A great deal of book money goes to writers, who are just going to use it to buy alcohol. YOU could be using that money to buy alcohol. Why not cut out the middleman?
11. If nobody goes into a library for too long, it gets renovated into a dentist’s office. Scary but true.
10. Books are full of words. Advertisements are ALSO full of words, but they come with attractive people and interesting music. Much better investment of your time.
9. There is no number nine. That was eliminated along with the Dewey Decimal System.
8. They’re not cheaper than food by much these days, AND you can’t eat them or, usually, with much pleasure.
7. What if you accidentally learn something you’re not supposed to know?
6. …how would YOU know what you’re not supposed to know?
5. There are people called READERS. If you become one of them, you may find yourself at perfectly pleasant parties or events having long conversations about things like plot and dialogue. This looks weird to everyone else.
4. The phrase “Steal This Book” was never copyrighted by Abbie Hoffman, so you’re technically, legally, allowed to apply it to any book.
3. The more writers who can eat, the few of them can flip burgers, and not to be selfish, but the World needs more properly-cooked burgers.
2. The Eye of Ra may read over your shoulder and accidentally burn it.
- You know, books only lead to bookcases. Which leads to more room for books. Which leads to more books….
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