If there’s one thing each of my skulls relies in,
It’s the high quality of this here poison
For while Lust is good for society,
It’s totally useless to me and me.
We’re powerful. We slowly age.
There are advantages to being a mage.
You live near an eternity,
All the time in celibacy.
I assume it’s humor. I assume it’s jest.
That those whose Magic has flair and zest
Have lived a century or more
Without wife, lover, concubine, or whore.
Magic’s capricious. This Tellurian
Is less fun than traveling in a DeLorean.
The price of power cosmic and great.
Is little of the middle, and too much pate.
All I know is, your frustration
Is powerful for your education.
But if for Love’s madness you really wanna,
Come here and sniff some Belladonna.
It’ll leave you half-made and poison you
Very similar to how Love makes noise in you.
With one trick: when our drugs dissipate,
We’ve all been there. We can relate.
Some try potions. Some try books.
I, personally, like tempting crooks.
With many a cunning twist and gudgeon,
I live in the back of a horrible dungeon.
No-one who enjoys precious views
Would pic some Gryphons for their mews;
And no poem’s onliest begettin’
Comes from housing an uncouth Ettin.
With ward and lock and pact and rune
And guard and pit, my home is strewn.
(If you think the monsters mean
Just imagine what they take to clean.)
Only the boring and the dullest
Have an ordinary castle and portcullis
Some people have waiting rooms;
My decor is baiting tombs.
Some people bake pies and meringues;
I bake Golems with vampire fangs.
My Giant needs meat in giant slabs;
I grow it for him in my labs.
Some people retire to Fort Lauderdale.
I prefer to watch Adventurers fail.
Although I know, if they get past
They might kill me, no matter what I cast.
On the whole, I think that sex
Is a distraction for the Sorcerous Rex.
Clearly, sexual frustration
Is the key to dungeon fumigation.
I know my life nears its underture
At the coming hands of someone of Adventure.
But as I’m finally slain by those adventurous mooches,
I’ll lament: Maybe I should have tried the smooches.
_________
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