17 Foolproof Ways A Fantasy Author Can Overcome Writer’s Block.

17. Look, the right axe can fix ANY problem. You just need to go axe-shopping until you find one that can sever your parietal lobe neatly.

16. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that not a whole lot of people out there read fantasy novels anyway, so technically, you’re letting down a MUCH smaller potential audience than if you wrote Victorian romance novels.

15. Try to write a Victorian romance novel. There’s no possible way this could end badly. “Xena: Warrior Princess” is a Victorian romance, right? How hard can it be to satisfy the secret dreams and fantasies of millions of people you’ve never met? Gotta be easier than slightly-rewriting the Lord of the Rings with yourself as the main character, right?

14. Try rewriting the Lord of the Rings with yourself as the main character. Find it depressingly easy. It works, but the alcohol bill is cost-inefficient.

13. We’re just kidding. Don’t drink and write. You’d hate to find out that the mead you drink for authenticity is the only thing that’s been giving you the courage to use the word ‘coolth’ in a sentence.

12. Fritz Lieber used the word ‘coolth’ in a sentence; why can’t I?

11. Try writing some kind of satire about writer’s block. Realize it’s turning into a short story and rapidly misnaming itself. Wonder if you’ve deceived the reader. Spend so much time doing this that you forget the story idea and go back to having writer’s block.

10. We’re kidding. There is no cure for writer’s block.
None.
Not ever.

9. Consult the Necronomicon.

8. Realize that the invisible demons who devoured Abdul Alhazred were merely frustrated because he didn’t. finish. the. damn. thing.

Take the hint.

7. The Necronomicon DOES contain the spells for summoning the invisible demons who devoured Abdul Alhazred for not finishing it. It simply doesn’t contain the spells for BANISHING them.

You can do better.

You know, invisible demons would be GREAT motivation…

6. Stare at your screen until the words come. This always works. Sort of the same way staring into a Palantir is always a good way to make new friends.

5. Stare into a Palantir. You may not end the writer’s block, but you might end up serving the Dark Lord in durance vile unto death, which is slightly more pleasant.

4. Become 18th level. Learn the “Wish” spell. (May only work in the Second Edition of your Universe.)

3. There is no number three. There never is.

2. If your writer’s block is really bad, you could always take a nice walk through the fires which forged Gleipnir. This is not pleasant, but it’s more pleasant than the writer’s block.

1.  Upon thy brain this spell I cast:
    I unlock now thy words amassed
   Pick up thy wand and sword and fight
   Get up, get up, GET UP AND WRITE.

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