DRINKING WITH VAMPIRES
Right, you’ve heard they never drink…wine.
Wine coolers, on the other hand? It’s embarrassing. And one of those blue bottles of MD-2020? Oh, that will have your dignified, tuxedoed Count hobbling onto a chair, thumping his feet to the table, and beginning to sing “My Way” before falling off and dissolving into 100,000 very, very confused, very tiny bats.
DRINKING WITH DRIDERS
It’s difficult to drink with Driders. They’re already drunk when you see them; if you were a Drider, wouldn’t YOU be drunk?
DRINKING WITH DIONYSUS
[We’d tell you ALL about drinking with Dionysus.
No myth, no tale, no spectacle addressed by the most fantabulously mad Roman emperor, no words or images or even thoughts could adequately convey what it is like to drink with Dionysus.
But we’d do our best.
…if we could remember any of it.]
DRINKING WITH RUMPELSTILTSKIN
- Buy Rumpelstiltskin three gin toddies.
- Ask him his name. He will loudly should “I WON’T TELL YOU IT’S RUMPELSTILTSKIN.”
- Offer him one more gin toddy. Possibly two. Possibly none.
- He will then go up to every single person in the bar and bet them a drink that they can’t guess their name.
- He will get increasingly frustrated and bet increasingly expensive drinks.
- If you’d like us to summon Rumplestiltskin to YOUR pub, bar, or other establishment of hospitality, call us.
DRINKING WITH DEATH
On the one hand, there are only two reasons one normally drinks with Death, and one is if you are one of her close friends and you hang out with her a lot.
If it’s the OTHER reason…at least she’s probably buying.
DRINKING WITH JEFF MACH
“You start without me, I want to write this down first.”
DRINKING WITH GELATINOUS CUBES:
(They don’t drink!
They ABSORB,
you rubes!)
DRINKING WITH BEHOLDERS
So many eyes! And all confused! Each arguing with the others.
Be around a drunken beholder? Not if I had my druthers.
On the other hand, I’ll take 9 angry eyes in 9 seconds flat
Over the 7 drunken dragon heads
of Goddess Tiamat.
DRINKING WITH GREMLINS.
Don’t.
___
Image credit: Jacob Jordaens (1593–1678)
Find me on Twitter?
Read my books?
