In the semi-immortal words of Gary Larsen, “It was late, and I was tired.”
____
Never argue with an Amazon
Riding on Charonzon.
The Devil doesn’t really wear Prada;
the Devil usually wears nada.
The chickens have come home to roost;
they want a quiet place to read some Proust.
The hand is quicker than the eyes,
But both of them go well with fries.
I think I’m going to silently censor
Just how long I spent thinking of rhymes for “Pez Dispenser.”
(Oh, and social media doesn’t believe in censorship.
They just silence you out of benevolent mentorship.
Forget your worries and your cares,
and rely on the motives of billionaires.)
I got what I wanted as a kid;
I’m finally a Giant Squid.
I’ll bet you money you’re mistaken
On the pronunciation of “Kraken”.
In his house in R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits pissed
That so many people think he doesn’t exist.
This ends our digression about tentacles;
I’ll banish it with some apricots and pentacles.
(And please beware of UFOs;
They won’t give it back when they’ve got your nose.)
Tiggers are made of rubber and springs;
be grateful that they don’t have wings.
The things most people think are norms
Are actually mythical Platonic forms.
Damn the Torpedos;
pass the Doritos.
Handle me always with care;
the kind of Wolf I am is Were.
Nothing Humans named “Shamu”
Has forgiven humans for that name. Would you?
Everything will be perfectly fine;
The Goblins want you for their mine.
My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.
I write books. You should read them!
