it was on the seventh day of the seventh month of the seventh year of the seventh era of the seventh dynasty of the seventh epoch of the seventh calendar that the seven wise elders meet and decided it was bloody damn time to invent another number or two.
Thus it was that the Emperor was approached by one of the Secret Keepers, who said, “Canst thou keep a secret?” And the Emperor, being aware of the ending of that joke, had him beheaded.
It was on the seventh moon of the seventh night of the seventh upspringing of the seventh festival of the Seven Particularly Annoying Gods (which took place, for maximum confusion, on the THIRD night of the seventh calendar) that the seven wise elders meet and realizing that they had more than seven fingers and ought to do something mathematical about that.
The Emperor was not wholly displeased. But he knew not how many numbers he had left, which would be challenging for tax collection (“Give me all your money” is for AMATEUR criminals; a real criminal robs you, like Guthrie said, with a fountain. pen.)
Fortunately, he could eyeball it pretty well, and he was sure he had at least a few more numbers left, at least enough to put rings on every toe, if he wanted to, which he did.. So he simply took caution with his next order. “TELL me how many of you there are, and it had BETTER be enough that I can behead a few more and still have some left to answer me, because my left hand itches for beheadings and the right side of my brain craves answers.”
The wisemen were not fools; they did not come from Chelm. They could read what was happening next, and it was a grumpy king and a lot of torture.
Thus it was that all the wisemen leapt from the parapet, shouting, “Twelve! You have twelve wise persons left! You only need to find them!”
Then all the wise people were dead.
But the king never doubted their loyalty. To this day, he searches hither and yon to find his wise, wise, wisepersons, who know all the answers but will never contradict them.
Poor unlucky man! Though such people must surely be abundant, he hasn’t found a single one. It must be some error on the fate of the Gods.
So one day, he climbed the Seventh Mountain, to find the Seven Wise Gods.
He brought an army and a headsman, of course…
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