The Dwarf and the Pyrite — Jeff Mach Writes

You’ve heard a lot of complete mistruths about how literal Dwarves are.

For one thing, they’re more flexible than you’d think. If you say, “I’ll buy the next round,” and then you reach into your purse and say, “Damn, I’ve left my money at home!” the average Dwarf will believe you.

Twice.

Then the average Dwarf will nod grimly, place some money on the counter, not look at you ever again, and walk away.

This is why Dwarves seldom sign peace treaties, installment payment deals, promises for working alchemy to develop the Elixir of Life, or anything else which.

Dwarves have never met ‘Sophists’, but they understand sophistry.

Pyrite—“fool’s gold”—looks like gold to the unwary.

There are three basic ways of dealing with those who offer you gold and give you pyrite.

Apologize, and say, “I’m sorry, this is pyrite. You intended to give me gold. I’m going to go have a drink while you bring me gold.”
Walk away, letting the other person keep your money. The expense is painful, but it drives home an important lesson: trust is earned, not given by convincing words or thoughts.
Bury an axe in your head.

Most Dwarves will pick the first two.

This is because—and ONLY because—

Dwarves value their axes, and an exceptionally thick skull could nick a valuable axe.

And nobody wants that.

___

(Dedicated to Paul T. He knows why. I have no intention of causing Mr. T. physical harm, but I admire his skills as a liar to the point where I just had to write about them.)

Try my really infrequent literary email list?
Read my books?
Try my mostly-free Patreon.