Requirements For Being A Steampunk – By Jeff Mach

I have been told that I have insufficient standards for my Steampunk – I was once called a “Steampunk Dadaist” by someone who didn’t (oddly enough!) consider it as a compliment.

So I’ve decided to set down a test to see if you know the true Requirements For Being a Steampunk – brought to you by The Anachronism New York City.

THE ONLY ONE, SINGULAR, TRUE TEST TO SEE IF YOU CAN BE A STEAMPUNK:

1. How large is your airship?
   (a) 150 feet.
   (b) 300 hectares
   (c) I am Captain Nemo and I have shot down all other airships. Sorry; not sorry at all.
2. What is the true definition of “Steampunk”?
   (a) Steampunk is a retro-futuristic genre based on nobody really knowing what “retrofuture means”.
   (b) Steampunk uses concepts from the 19th century to express ridiculous concepts for music, art, creativity, and really delicious absinthe.
   (c) Steampunk is people who pretend to like Absinthe.
   (c) Steampunk is when Goths discover goggles.
3. How many Top Hats do you own?
   (a) Six.
   (b) Eleventeen.
   (c) Hardly enough. HARDLY ENOUGH, SIR!
4. How do you like your Tea?
   (a) Herbal. I am a sociopath.
   (b) Instant. I am a psychopath.
   (c) Heated in an active volcano and blasted directly towards my face by a Phlogiston-Powered Gyoscope. I am a Steampunk.
5. Steampunk, what is important in life?
   (a) To eat scones.
   (b) To dip the scones in very sugary tea.
   (c) To hear the lamentations of people who like scones or tea.