- The only people who believed in magic were the vast majority of all humans who ever lived. Like 99.99% of all humans ever, as far as we can tell. Furthermore, there’s over 5,500 years of recorded human history, and only during about 96.5% of that time did we feel that science and magic were compatible, and sometimes downright complimentary. Obviously, because human history has now reached its complete and total apex and nothing will ever change going forward, the answer is that they were dumb and we’re smart.
- If humans had the ability to cast lightning out of their hands or fly or whatever, they’d be doing it all the time. Because there’s no such thing as lost knowledge, unfound knowledge, suppressed knowledge, or unfulfilled knowledge. There’s nothing quite like the threat of being thrown into a looney bin to encourage the spirit of scientific inquiry.
- We know entirely what the future looks like, and it’s full of spaceships exploding loudly in a vacuum.
- Corollary to #8: We know exactly what magic looks like, and it, too, looks just like the movies. The best place to get accurate predictions of the future is definitely routed in the firm, solid predictive powers embodied in “whatever CGI the script calls for, to the best extent that it can be rendered by the budget a given film has in place”.
- People yearn for Space Wizards, and they must be punished for it. Stop that! Stop it, you fools! Our fantasies should only be about sensible things, like bonds and annuities and interest rates which would improve economic growth. Stop fantasizing about silly things at once!
- As we become more scientifically sophisticated, we will understand everything, and everything will prove to have a cause which is strictly material in nature. I mean, you understand Science, right? All of it? And if not, you can look it up and understand the answers, surely? And scientists can do the same thing. All scientists understand all scientific knowledge.
- Space-Wizards imply Gods, just as Science implies a Universe empty of spirituality. Every scientist is an atheist. Every magician is deeply religious. Every science fiction author is a cat.
- The World becomes more rational every day, and that is totally comforting. Just look around. Isn’t it true?
- This is not being written by a Space Wizard to throw you off track. Come on. Would a Space Wizard lie to you?
- There are no Space Wizards because there is no space. The sky is actually just a really big ceiling that’s been painted black. Daytime is a very big lamp and a huge bluish dropcloth. Reality is a lie, and it’s way more implausible than you ever thought.
Now you know.
My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.
