More Tiny Poems

You might know that, on Unicorns
I have heaped a lot of scorn.
But I’ll say this for ’em: with or without wings,
There’s damn good eatin’ on them things.

* * *

A question from Perseus Greenman (@futharkvillage) on Twitter:

How do dragons fare when attacking aircraft carriers?

If you tear down dimensional barriers,
You might find Dragons attacking aircraft carriers.
Who wins? It’s hard. Ships are made of steel;
And Dragons, in turn, just aren’t real.

So if reality has failed us,
And mythical weirdness has impaled us,
I tell you true (I’ve never lied:

The Ship and the Dragon are ON THE SAME SIDE.
And they’ve united with a Pirate crew
To find the treasure of You-Know-Who.

And that, my friends, is what we would’ve seen,
If we weren’t busy with Quarantine.

* * *

if “ifs” and “buts” were fruit and nuts,
then we’d have Christmas every day,
a weird, weird, fruitarian Christmas
where nut allergies are not welcome.

* * *

I recruited a werewolf. Some said he was smitten.
But actually, he was afraid of being bitten.
Lycanthropy is a difficult curse;
But Dark Lorderie is even worse.

* * *

Oh, the Secret Life of H.G. Wells,
Who made love to beings of the Nether Hells.
He left unpublished some steamy first drafts
For work that later became Lovecraft’s.
Thank Lovecraft’s stern New England upbringing
That his work’s about Cosmic Horror, not Cosmic Swinging.

* * *

Behold the ‘horror’! Made of smoke!
Can’t be shot! Can’t be broke!
It would take over the world in all its glory,
except it has major problems in its upper respiratory.
(apologies to Tennyson.)

~Jeff Mach



My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.

I write books. You should read them!

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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