Evil Egg Creams With Scotch

Bonus Beverage: Evil Egg Cream With Scotch

If you’re a semi-New-Yorker, as I am, egg creams are essential to life.

You will need:

Chocolate or Strawberry U-Bet Syrup. Other syrup can be used; it’s just morally wrong

Some milk. How much milk, exactly, is a question similar to “How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?” The answer is 87,421; but since we don’t know what units they’re using, we just have to experiment.

Two-cents plain. This is commonly called “Seltzer”, for some damn reason.

No eggs. Listen, I didn’t name the damn thing.

Good Scotch. I recommend Glenlivet 18-year, or Laphroaig 10-year. But then, I’d recommend that to anyone for any reason, at any time.

Mix the seltzer, milk, and syrup until you have something foamy with the consistency of milk and the attitude of a semi-active volcano. DO NOT ADD EXPLOSIVES OR POP ROCKS.

Add generous lacings of Scotch.


Drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and, perhaps, fight, or else, just drink more.


Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.