Dragon and Princess – Continued

DRAGON: It would look bad.

PRINCESS: To the people whose monarchy you’ve destroyed?

DRAGON: Well, no. I mean, yes. I mean, what do I do if not what I know.

(The Princess smiles up at the thunder lizard.)


I’ve got an answer, mostly because
I’ve no desire to tear my dress up on your claws
Why restrict your pleasure? I sure won’t tell.
You are a Dragon, demonic and fell.

Why not eat what you choose, and drink very deep
And if some Dragon should observe and creep
You’ll be stronger by far, and can remove its throat
A nice touch that, a finishing note.


You can’t kill Dragons! We’re nearly extinct!
Our actions and deaths are linked
No, I should eat you and be done
It won’t take long. Of you, there’s just one.


But what if the Princess, throughout the Realms
Have put on their tiaras and thinking helms
And knowing Dragons would come, made a plan.
Don’t slay us. Just end Man.


I thought I was the serpent in this equation.

PRINCESS: You can’t be the Devil on short half-rations.

DRAGON: What must I do, then, Princess-Witch.

PRINCESS: First, let me teach you:
Blood makes you rich.

[Scene III. A throne room. Notably not as full of servants as usual, and the ones who are there are…distinctly nervous. A King. A Throne. A Dragon. A Hobbit on one side, drunk.)


Dear Royal lizard, dear bane and honor of kings,
I’m embarrassed, and the simple truth stings.
My daughter’s a coward, saving her skin
If I were in a grave, I’d spin.

Let’s end this ugly business; your poor dignity
Deserves the utmost courtesy.
Let me give you that which you crave,
And I’ll beat my daughter like a roguish knave
(While you fly, contended, to your cave.)

DRAGON: I am listening with excitement. I am all ears.
My acute hearing; your eventual tears.

HOBBIT: You know who’s really rich? He who is happy with what he has.
(At a signal from the King, a guard throws a pike at the Hobbit. He retreats, muttering.)


See, it’s better than death and better than fail
We have ourselves a mountain of kale
We’ve carefully converted our currency to gold,
That material you love to marry, have, and hold.

Gold! As a bed unsurpassed.
Gold! A full hoard at last!
All the gold we have to spare
Minus fees, taxes, duties, depreciation, and certain fees, but why care?
Tonight, you sleep on comfortable iron-hard sacks of yellow metal. That’s fair.

Take our gold and live long and well!
And we’ll keep our puny lives in this amusing hell.

You and I are sympatico, we jibe.
How’s that for a bribe, o Lizard King?

(End scene.)

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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