[Author’s note: This is a piece from one of my rock operas. In retrospect, it says rather a lot that I wanted to write a story where the outside world believed each of the characters to be a hero, and none of the “heroes” felt that way about themselves; the title, “Absinthe Heroes”, was a personal joke; in my own head, it meant all the heroes were absent. I felt particularly bad for Captain Adastra. But at least I gave him a few chances to monologue. You’ll see one of them below.]
[Author’s Other Note: One of the benefits of working in the genre of Silly Victorian Things is that you can use their slang; “glock”, as spoken herein, is a cockney term for “half-wit”; I can assure you that the Captain is not mistaking himself for a firearm.]
CAPTAIN ADASTRA: I don’t mind being mistaken for an imbecile or even a full-on glock. It has its advantages; for one, it allows me to evade being seen as simply off my damnable rocker. For another, it may be entirely accurate. Many years later, and many daring escapes etceteras, and I am still fairly unsure of it myself.
Sometimes, I believe that my primary survival skills in the wild are base cunning, split-second reflexes, and the nerves of a cucumber. And generally, I believe my primary survival skill in polite society is knowing how to position my chin so that it looks particularly square and imposing.
The Gallant Captain they have named me; The Gallant Captain I shall name myself. It’s close enough to the truth. Somewhat.
“Changeling Grown”
And when I was wee
What did I desire?
Nothing I could beg, steal
Borrow or acquire
I drew the sweetest praises
From parents and nurse
But honeycombed within
I was
perverse.
A changeling child! At birth I was exchanged!
Somewhere a very normal boy
Grew up among the strange…
Whilst I, inside, a goblin am–
O mothers, do not blink!
Lest your child an odd tale tell
In fragrant, bitter ink.
And when I was a young man
What did I desire?
To leap into the firmament
As if drawn up by a wire
At boarding school, I disdain’d
Opportunities perverse
But flowing quick within
I was worse
A changeling child! At birth I was exchanged!
In the human world I feel
Deranged.
For I, inside, a goblin am–
O mothers, hold, and think!
Lest your child an odd tale write,
In fragrant, bitter ink
And now that I am tall
What do I desire?
To waltz among the satyrs
And make love in the briars:
Inside me is a devil;
In him wait ten worse
DISPERSE!
[Author’s Other Other Note: I’m not sure what kind of opportunities were offered to Captain Adastra at boarding school, but I believe they involved drinking a Goblet of Fire or something.]
My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.
I write books. You should read them!
I put on a convention for Villains every February.
I created a Figmental Circus. It’s happening this June. You should go!
