Animated furniture
is most assuredly de rigueur
for the home of any Necromancer
who knows hoof from claw.
If some madman with a fez
Comes into conflict with your chaise
Try to make his body hard to rez,
with a side of slaw.
Furniture that levitates,
Which flies and sings (and hopefully never mates)
Disturbs books, knocks down paintings, shatters plates..
Eminent divorce.
Clocks which tick off-key
Doorbells which self-ring merrily
Broomsticks which have joined the Kree
(for the benefits, of course.).
Big cups of “shut the fluck up”
Are nevertheless not too stuck up
To join flying saucers, and like oysters, shuck up
(If you’ve air currents, who needs a horse?)
How often do ones foes
Remove one’s fingers, heart, and toes
With attacks from couches, chair, pillows
And anything else they can find?
Angry Ottomans
Furious tins and cans
Telephones, pots and pans
To drive you out of your mind.
How many wandering beastinations
Depend, for their machinations
Upon the various cooking stations
Of your kitchen or barbecue?
Poltergeists? Amateurish
One thing of which I’m mostly sure-ish
A vacuum’s what nature must abhor-ish
When the crockery starts flying at you…
My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.
I write books. You should read them!
