- Once upon a time there was a Fairy who attempted to visit Hackensack, but ended up accidentally getting sucked into a transdimensional Mauve Hole and ended up in the year 2793.
- If you’re reading this in the year 2793, be sure to buy a drink to any lost Faeries you see. They probably need it.
- Actually, there’s at least one version of this story where the Fairy went around in search of people who wished to ‘drown in a sea of alcohol’ and granted their wishes, hoping that she had forgotten how to swim.
- But that one just ends in tears.
- Alcoholic tears.
- Mango-Pineapple Mad Dog Merlot, $3.79/bottle-flavored tears. To be specific.
- At any rate, the World took notice of the gigantic-and-if-not-ocean-sized-ocean-liner-sized-was-more-than-huge-enough martinis.
- And wanted to dive in.
- The Fairy found herself in high demand. She attempted to explain that she had built the other beverages via magic and therefore could neither sell nor duplicate the ‘technology’.
- They insisted on buying the ‘technology’ anyway.
- Fortunately, Faeries can fly.
- And there’s teleportation in the future.
- It’s really good teleportation. You end up with the same number of limbs as when you started just about as often as, say, your food delivery orders were accurate in the early 2020s.
- So the Fairy had to essentially find people who were willing to wish for large amounts of construction gear
- …you DO know that Faeries work via wishes, right? That without someone else’s Wish, a Fairy barely has enough magic to singe her fingers lighting a cigar?
- …do you want to know what kind of people have inordinately large need of cement mixers and don’t mind if nobody knows what they’re doing?
- …so do we, yes.
- The Fairy found herself making huge martini glasses full of alcohol, tears, Victorian orphans, and assorted malefactors.
- Demand kept increasing.
- Soon, it became unusual to see boats at boat docks.
- Just giant martinis.
- There are three endings to this story.
- In all three of the stories, Giants drink the Martinis.
- In one version, they drink the Fairy.
- In one version, she becomes leader of the Giants.
- In one version, it takes a LONG time to drink all the alcohol in a martini glass that size. Gods only know how drunk they’ll be when this is over, or what they’ll try to do.
- And that’s PROBABLY the version you live in.
- Lucky you.
- —-
- Unless there was more to the story. Which right now there isn’t.
- But if there were to be more…
- What’s this about organized crime and cement? That could get dark. Oh, we aren’t there yet? Nevermind.
- Actually, the Yakuza have run Fairyland for quite a long time. But you’d need a martini the size of a building to deal with that reality.
My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.
I write books. You should read them!
