A Crocodile In Wolf’s Clothing

What would happen to Little Red Riding Hood if the Big Bad Wolf met up with something bigger and badder before their encounter?

(This is an excerpt from my musical, “What Sharp Teeth”.)

Excuse me:
I apologize
if you were
expecting a Wolf to come your way.

There was a Wolf on the path, but I’m afraid
He’s been indefinitely

He and I had a little chat,
We met up for lunch;
But it seems the press of events is severe—
He’s caught up in a crunch.

Now that Wolf, he was sly; he had such
Lovely fur.
But he was a bit of a
“cold fish” –
I’m telling you – brrrrr!

He had that “lean and hungry” look
But he was lacking in style
Precisely unlike me –
your humble Serpent,
The Crocodile.

I mean no offense, but you know
This just can’t be good;
Sweet little thing like yourself, all alone
In this dark and Freudian wood.
You look a little lost – don’t worry
That’s not brimstone you smell—
Well, all right. It might be.
But what the hell:

A creature of your charms surely
Deserves a guide
And I’m the best in the forest –
I say that with pride
You look suspicious – dear me!
Don’t convict without a trial.
So try me – your humble Serpent:
The Crocodile.


Jeff Mach was once granted the Power Cosmic, but he seems to have left it in his other meatsuit. That’s okay; writing is better.  He continues to feel a temptation to start building some sort of long-running, slow-burn short story into these biographical bits, so that if you read them one after another, they’d tell some kind of tale, but he hasn’t actually tried to do that just yet, so you ought to be safe for now.  Anyway, Jeff Mach writes stuff, which you probably know if you’re seeing this, considering the fact that the website is called “Jeff Mach Writes”. His Twitter is @darklordjournal, and there’s nothing to stop you from buying his novel, “There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN: Diary of a Dark Lord“. Except for common decency, obviously.

Jeff Mach Written by:

“There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN: Diary of a Dark Lord” is the first novel by Jeff Mach, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. If you'd like to meet Jeff Mach, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, you should come to Jeff's new event, Evil Expo.

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