I’m sure you’re perfectly aware of the Vampire Garlic Conspiracy. I mean, maybe not? IT’s big news to some of us, but some of you don’t even believe in vampires, because you’re stupid.
Okay. For reasons which, in fact, don’t actually make any particular logical sense, vampires theoretically hate garlic. And while you could go around wearing a necklace of garlic, that would also be stupid, and also impractical on a number of levels.
So if you know there’s vampires around, you eat lots of garlics. Humans will make jokes about your breath, but garlic’s quite damn delicious.
Vampires LOVE a garlic-filled bloodstream. Madly. Passionately.
You know all that. Everybody knows that.
You know what you don’t know? The markup on a good hunk of garlic.
It’s ridiculous. And garlic is just not that hard to grow. It’s easier to grow in your garage than pot, and you’re presumably already doing that.
But I gotta tell you…I have this really marvelous strain of garlic, everyone wants it…and I’m tired. So I’ve invited all of you, my friends and competitors, here to share in my strain of garlic. Share and enjoy.
Except Gary, whom you can see is having the blood drained out of him by a vampire. I never did like Gary.
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Find me, paid or free as you choose, at patreon.com/thatjeffmach
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