On The Many Benefits Of Being A Minion

There’s a great benefit to being the minion:

YOU’RE not the target.

You get the early warning system.

Oh, sure, sometimes you get shot in the second act. But that happens to everybody sooner or later. It happens to you less often because you’re the comic relief.

It’s GOOD to be the comic relief.

As far as you can tell, it really sucks to be the genius.

You’d think evil genius would recognize the patterns of failure? But no, big supervillains tackle big superheroes instead of, say stealing secondhand cars. Sure, it’s more exciting, but it’s unbelievably less practical.

Excellent.

You’ll never get the cool monologue.

But you’ll get a chance to ESCAPE during the cool monologue.

It is not true that evil is merely sometimes banal; sometimes it’s also downright stupid. What toddler doesn’t understand “There’s somebody with laser beams after you, less ranting and more running, okay?”

There are probably other benefits to being a minion, but I’ll worry about them after I finish rifling through my ex-boss’ pockets for the keys to his Galactic Destroyer and his wallet.

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