The Pleasure of the Monologue

Some have argued that the Villain’s Monologue was destroyed by the genre-breaking ideas of Mr. Allan Moore. Some argue that, in a post-Shakespeare world, there’s actually NEVER a good time for a Villain to speak directly to the heroes in some sort of expositional monologue.

SOME people have no real fun in life.

It’s a tempting modern idea: “Why would you speak to your enemies? Why not just kill them?”

It depends on the circumstances, of course.

For example, if you gloat over every defeated enemy, you’ll raise the odds of someone turning it against you. Doesn’t matter how—like any high-risk activity, any cost-benefit analysis

(you DID do a cost-benefit analysis before criticizing, right?)

—any cost-benefit analysis will tell you that you oughtn’t repeat a dangerous activity, especially a predictable one, unless you feel the benefits are truly outrageous.

But a villain gloating over the occasional, very special fallen foe? That’s a whole other kettle of oysters. Gloating has numerous health benefits and is extremely therapeutic. It should not be combined with a flair for excess; do not take this opportunity to ask the victim to sign a document attesting to their own incompetence, especially if they’ve brought their own pen.

In the days to come, stay tuned, as we’ll be expanding on this subject. But for now, remember: We’re all familiar with the tales where the villains monologued at the captured heroes, the heroes escaped, and Villainy lost.

We’re not familiar with the many, many stories in which the Villain won. Because the Villain is too busy vacationing on tropical islands, drinking bright blue cocktails, and building a better Death Ray to waste time talking to us.

Author's note:

(I last worked on this on November 15, 2020. It's now April 21, 2022. It's good to be back.)
Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.