Stealing Energy From The Universe With Sugar: Villainpunk Candied Lemon Recipe

“You had me at ‘candied’.”

-Doktor Lichworth

This is one of our great secrets, and we’re only sharing it with you because we love you.  Also because we’re assuming you might buy our books, and we figure you deserve an unfair advantage so you can defeat your enemies, thus swiping their loot and becoming able to buy MORE of our books.

Candied lemon: it’s cheaper than energy drinks, it’s healthier, and it’ll wake you up better and longer, AND it tastes great, AND it’s even a classy, vintage dish which will impress your friends, and make your foes wish they WERE your friends so that they could have some, too.

Yield: 2 dozen slices

Skill Level: 1


½ cup/125 ml honey

1 lemon

¼ cup/59 ml sugar


Preheat the oven the oven to 250°F/121°C

Carefully wash the lemon and cut it into thin slices. Place the lemon slices onto a plate.

With a barbeque brush, brush honey on both sides of each slice.

Place on a cookie sheet and sprinkle sugar on top.

Bake for 2-3 minutes, then brush another thin layer of honey on top and eat.


Remember: when life hands you lemons, open a lemonade stand, and never let on that your citrus appears to be supernatural in origin. Allow people to assume that your low prices are due to your conscientious and wise buying habits. Do not spend too much time wondering how this extremely random event came about, or what this kind of interference with Free Will means for the future fate of Humanity.



Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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