There was a secret banker, more of a Uranium-sniffer, actually, and he was Rumpelstiltskin. He was the one who introduced the gold standard (which, again, was actually Uranium; it’s a long story.) The Gold Standard was very important, but like most people, we don’t know anything about it.
(Yes, we do. But seriously, did you come here to read about the Gold Standard?)
Rumplestiltskin did, indeed, have the power you’ve heard about. Had to, really. From all the stories, it’s obvious that he was stuck somewhere in the mortal realm. One could almost feel sorry for the guy. There he was, no connection to any major part of human culture, no religion, probably some sort of creature stuck between myth and the visible world, looking neither quite entirely human, nor entirely of the Hedge.
And he had many, many miserable years.
So the stories where he could spin straw into gold? You’re quite correct; that’s true. Well, gold-plate; he was better with platinum and nickel, but do you think anyone every tales about that?
But really, it’s more accurate to say he could spin straw into currency. Now just picture his life.
How many thousands of years spinning straw into beads and shells? Sometimes in places where they didn’t have any straw to begin with, which made it even weirder. Eventually, he had to introduce horses into unexpected places just so there’d be a reason for straw to hang around.
And do not, really, truly, do not get me started on what happened when he was spinning straw into barter. You ever sit down to begin magically transforming the dry stalks of cereal products into currency, only to find it emitting one rooster, seven eggs, a bit of scrimshaw, and (dammit!) more seashells?
“I wish I had magic powers!” is a common cry of everyone who doesn’t have magic powers.
Rumple did, indeed, visit and torment orphans. He didn’t really like to do it. But he knew that if he did it long enough, one day, one of them would figure out his game, figure out his name, break the spell, destroy the power, end his pain…
…poor Rumplestiltskin. They all knew his name.
And they would never say it.
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