Introduction To “The Villainpunk’s Cookbook”

Where would Villainpunks be without sumptuous meals upon which to dine in celebration of the recent and/or upcoming defeat of our enemies? Well, for one thing, we would be hungry, and complaining bitterly about the lack of gin. But on a somewhat more serious note, one of the things we first noticed when we started our career as professional villains was this: Villainpunk is not simply an adventure for the mind, or the imagination, or even for those fortunate superheroes whose (brief) lives we (equally briefly) grace with our with and genius. It is an entire culture, an adventure in music, in dance, in activity and action, in jolly ill-fellowship, in adding delights for each and every one of the individual senses, because dammit, we deserve the best, and if we don’t, we shall slay those who do and take their places.

Villainpunk is, in short, precisely that thing most poised to delight the heart of any chef, amateur or professional: it is a very literal feast for both spirit and body! Especially if you, like us, enjoy nibbling on both hearts and souls.

Within the pages of this tome, you will find recipes old and new, traditional and groundbreaking, all re-imagined through the Mad Science of Villainpunk cookery. Their shared point of commonality is that they emerge from that limitless wellspring of imagination which is Villainy, and all of the fantastic worlds near and around it!

Also, all of these things taste pretty fabulous. Let’s not forget that part. I warn you that the sheer delight we took in capturing and preparing these ideas….may very possibly have spilled over into moments of joy, in musicality, exuberance, eccentricity, madness, devious pleasure, and silliness of the highest order. After all, we are Villainpunks. It is our goal to make the world a more ridiculous, a more sublime, and more delicious place, so that our eventual dominion will be all the sweeter.

-Jeff Mach,

Dark Lord

A secret underwater lair underneath Alternative Universe London

September 42nd, 1826

~Jeff Mach

The preceding essay was brought to you by Dark Lords For Azathoth, and may not necessarily reflect the views of the being who wrote, edited, posted, and marketed this document.


My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities and create things. Every year, I put on Evil Expo, the Greatest Place in the World to be a Villain. I also write a lot of fantasy and science fiction. You can get most of my books right here. Go ahead, order I HATE Your Prophecy“ It may make you into a bad person, but I can live with that.

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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