I Once Knew An Ogre

I once knew an Ogre, and he was a fool
The stupidest Ogre of Ogre School.

He couldn’t find love with a stick and a map
He couldn’t catch a mate with an AI-based trap.

He couldn’t support himself except
By doing jobs through which he slept;

They required of his limited mind
No actions, either cruel or kind.

Ogre, Ogre, moron, fool,
Where will you find somebody who’ll

Put up with crudeness, rudeness, lewdness
And an unappetizing nudeness?

Ogre, Ogre, brains of sand,
Nothing worked out like you planned.

Found a mate. Your mate left.
Of a life you’re sore bereft.

Found a job? Found a home?
You’ve less brains than a garden gnome.

I once knew an Ogre Lord:
And time with him, I can’t afford
Of his stupidity, be assured;
and worse than that,
he’ll leave you deathly bored.

Of many monsters, I have learned
They’ve sides not seen by all concerned
Some are wiser. Some are kinder.
Some need a clout. Some need a minder.

Ogres, for reasons I know not
Are monsters I’d rather have forgot.
What they lack in social graces,
They make up for with minds ugly as faces.

Stupid, selfish, scheming, cruel,
Ogre, Ogre, moron, fool.
By you are all toiled and troubled;
you’re like then ten plagues
only doubled.

(to my ex-friend, Ogre)

~Jeff Mach


My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I build communities, put on events, and make stories come into being. I also tweet a lot over @darklordjournal.

I write books. You should read them!

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.