July 22, 2022 / Jeff's Writing

How To Be As Annoying As A Gryffindor

“Lee Jordan was finding it difficult not to take sides. ‘So — after that obvious and disgusting bit of cheating —’ ‘Jordan!’ growled Professor McGonagall. ‘I mean after that open and revolting foul —’ ‘Jordan, I’m warning you —’ ‘All right, all right. Flint nearly kills the Gryffindor Seeker, which could happen to anyone, I’m sure, so a penalty to Gryffindor, taken by Spinnet, who puts it away, no trouble, and we continue play, Gryffindor still in possession.”
~J. K. Rowling

1. Be academically slapdash, yet clearly be several teachers’ favorite student. Ravenclaws seethe.

2. Go about things in an inefficient, pig-headed, holier-than-thou moralistic fashion, yet always win. Slytherin hearts freeze.

3. Be really brave and loyal, thus rendering Hufflepuff (even more) pointless.

4. Have Great Cosmic Power. Be Really Emo About It.

5. Be aware of all of the above, yet never ONCE stop to wonder why everybody else wants you dead.

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Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.