1. Be academically slapdash, yet clearly be several teachers’ favorite student. Ravenclaws seethe.
2. Go about things in an inefficient, pig-headed, holier-than-thou moralistic fashion, yet always win. Slytherin hearts freeze.
3. Be really brave and loyal, thus rendering Hufflepuff (even more) pointless.
4. Have Great Cosmic Power. Be Really Emo About It.
5. Be aware of all of the above, yet never ONCE stop to wonder why everybody else wants you dead.