Dragon Cocktail

To be clear, what we’re discussing today is a cocktail made from the blood of Dragons. We’re not talking about what happens when you serve a raw dragon ‘cooked’ in citric acid—commonly known as “lizard ceviche”—in a martini glass. Dragon tartare is excellent, certainly, but it’s a subject for a different culinary adventure.

The most important aspect of a dragon cocktail is obtaining the Dragon blood. On the one hand, you want to try to avoid hurting any Dragons; they’re an endangered species. On the other hand, Dragons are a whole lot more likely to hurt you than you are to do much more than (at best) put a very small dent in one of their minor scales.

There are two very good ways to obtain Dragon blood. The first is to wait around for a Hero to slay the Dragon, which is probably the best method if you have a few hundred years to spare. (Come on. Regardless of whatever you’ve heard, you don’t really think some nitwit in iron underwear is going to be able to damage a sixty-foot living, flame-breathing armored medieval tank with a 12′ metal toothpick?)

The second is to ask the Dragon very nicely, which will potentially not result in you being very, very slowly roasted to death. In fact, it’s easy. Simply learn to speak Dragon (make sure you get the RIGHT dialect; this should take no more than a decade or three)—and make your request while holding out an extremely small jar and an extremely massive hunk of gold.

The Great Lizard might just decide to trade a little sanguinary fluid for a little treasure, if you happen to catch it on a whimsical day.

If, indeed, you’re still alive at the end of the transaction, rejoice! Then pour a little vodka into the Dragon’s blood, stir it with a utensil you never plan to use again, and drink deep.

You should be dead in about fifteen minutes. And it will taste terrible.

But the cocktail itself isn’t bad. Dragons’ blood tastes smoky, partly because it’s made of liquified smoke, and it lends a distinctive flavor to any alcohol, although you probably won’t be able to taste anything because your mouth will start going numb before the stuff even touches your lips.

And there you have it! A recipe for the perfect Dragon Cocktail, and also for a very quick death—but what else did you expect?

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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