There and Never, Ever Back Again: A Dark Lord’s Journal

“There is a white wizard, cloaked in spellcraft and guile and a truly astonishing sense of self-righteousness, and he simply will not stop slaughtering The Chosen One until he kills me.”

“There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN: A Dark Lord’s Journal” is the peculiar, blackly satirical tale of the Dark Lord, who is amassing an army of Things of the Night, and awaiting likely death at the hands of:

The Elves: A beautiful, shiny, sociopathic species whose language is entirely sarcasm.

The Dwarves: Doomed hammer-swinging dwellers of the underground.

The Armies of Man: No one tells a better tale, or causes a more rapid extinction.

The White Wizard: Embodiment of all that is good and right; just ask him.


The Chosen One: Victim–sorry, meant to say “Hero”–of a glorious prophecy.  The Chosen One is destined to bring down the Dark Lord, if not killed first.  In which case, The White Wizard will have to find a replacement.  Again.

Behold!  A less-than-epic saga, told from the point of view of the Dark Lord.  Let’s get going; it’s time to steal the Sun.

“There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN” is the first novel by Jeff Mach, playwright, event creator, and certified Dark Lord.   You can find him at his new event, Evil Expo, in January of 2020, and of Twitter at @darklordjournal.

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