My Villainpunk Books
NEW BOOK: “I Hate Your Time Machine: A fiction-fueled guide to some of the worst tropes of Fantasy & Science Fiction” – now in pre-order on Kindle!
Take a space-pirate, inspired by a long-ago Dark Lord. Take a long period of quarantine within the tiny confines of a stolen starship.
Now take 42 busted, broken, or overbearing tropes of Fantasy and Science Fiction. One by one, the Dark Lord twists each into a strange shape and uses it to tell a new story – many of them disgracefully funny, some rather dark, and none of them suitable for vulnerable minds such as YOURS. So you should stay away from this book -far, far away–lest the words break the confines of their bibliographic prison and come forth to vent their endless rage and their even-more-endless snark.
You might know me for “There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN”, which is still a bestseller. You’ll find more on that below.
My first book of Villainpunk stories is Villains, Villainy & Villainpunk: Monstrous Microfiction by Jeff Mach. It contains a compendium of short, sharp, interesting tales and poetry. Go on, buy it. What’s the worst that could happen?
(And the answer to that question is, “If you’re not sure, try reading H.P. Lovecraft’s story “The Book”, and you’ve got some idea. It’s okay. These days, you can generally find a decent curse-breaker on the Internet.)
Excerpt from “There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN: Diary of a Dark Lord“:
“There is a white wizard, cloaked in spellcraft and guile and a truly astonishing sense of self-righteousness, and he simply will not stop slaughtering The Chosen One until he kills me.”
“There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN: A Dark Lord’s Journal” is the peculiar, blackly satirical tale of the Dark Lord, who is amassing an army of Things of the Night, and awaiting likely death at the hands of:
The Elves: A beautiful, shiny, sociopathic species whose language is entirely sarcasm.
The Dwarves: Doomed hammer-swinging dwellers of the underground.
The Armies of Man: No one tells a better tale, or causes a more rapid extinction.
The White Wizard: Embodiment of all that is good and right; just ask him.
The Chosen One: Victim–sorry, meant to say “Hero”–of a glorious prophecy. The Chosen One is destined to bring down the Dark Lord, if not killed first. In which case, The White Wizard will have to find a replacement. Again.
Behold! A less-than-epic saga, told from the point of view of the Dark Lord. Let’s get going; it’s time to steal the Sun.
“There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN” is the first novel by Jeff Mach, playwright, event creator, and certified Dark Lord. You can find him on Facebook at Facebook.com/DarkLordJournal and on Twitter at @darklordjournal. You can get his books over at Amazon, right here: amazon.com/author/jeffmach.
Got questions? Would you like an interview? Want to talk about the book? Just fill out the form below!