I tried to run away to join the Circus,
with no real idea of what a Circus was,
just that it traveled from place to place,
never tied to a single location,
a single set of thoughts,
a single local yokel insistence that things are Right
in this town, in this burg.
But Wrong in some other place,
some place that sometimes doesn’t even look different.
I know I’m not supposed to let anyone call me a freak,
and I don’t say it’s a word for everyone,
but it’s a word for me:
I am a sport,
I’m one of the Others,
whoever or whatever the Others might be.
I tried to run away to join the Circus because
I was tired of being alone and never fitting in.
I wanted to never fit in amongst a big, roaring tribe
I ran away to find a Greater Show than everyday Earth.
And I ran for a long time before I realized the Circus wasn’t just out of reach;
I simply wasn’t reaching far enough.
I kept thinking that it was easy for everything to become bizarre, but hard to enjoy it.
Know where everyone belongs?
I’m the exception that proves the hypothetical rule; I am a collection of symptoms looking to hunt down a cure and eat it for brunch; I am a whole freakshow all by myself.
Know where everyone is comfortable?
I like comfort. But I don’t want to0 stay comfortable;
I’m restless of mind, restless of spirit,
once I have seen The Most Explosive Explosion in the history of Explosions,
I want to see how it will become greater,
if Life is going to fire cannons at me,
I want to be fired OUT of a cannon and AT life.8
if I could find Nirvana, it would have to be Pandemonium at the same time,
some intersection of Heaven,
the roar of the crowd,
the thunder of drums,
because if you can get Pittsburgh to pay to see the freaks,
you can sell tickets anywhere.
And I want to be part of a traveling anywhere,
landing just long enough to start hammering tent-poles,
somewhere roiling with
plagues of wyverns and merciless fox-demons and deep triple-fried Twinkies,
where everything is as possible as possible
and nothing unreal needs to stay that way.
I am hunting funnel cake,
and woe betide the rube
who gets between it and me.