Advantages To Believing There Are Hidden Monsters Everywhere

Unfortunately, we live in a world where people continue to show a distressing trend towards being interested in reality, instead of in the vastly-destructive and utterly proper idea of trying to destroy lives, shatter psyches, and create the maximal amount of human misery through creating academic fantasies which have about the same effects as pushing people off a cliff.


There’s nothing we correctly-thinking sentients can do except work our hardest to try to shut down and silence everyone who’s based in the real world by shouting them down on Twitter and in other environments. (Remember: Twitter might be more toxic than the atmosphere of Venus, but at least it exists primarily for the profit of large, vicious corporations, and is therefore properly placed to defend all of the poor unfortunate underdogs of the Universe.)


Yet, of late, we have noted a disturbing number of people who have questioned the validity of one of the key hypotheses which is used, properly, to attempt to keep other humans in as deep a state of irrational and anxious fear as often as possible, and to help ascertain that no-one can achieve a state of mind sufficiently healthy to effect actual change: namely, the pure and well-known existence of an endless number and amount of hidden monsters.

Because there are plenty of places exposing the existence of hidden monsters. And they’re so knowledgeable that they back each other up. I mean, if you go to one website about a Hidden Monster, it’ll refer you to another website about that Hidden Monster, which will then refer you back to the first website. Now it’s in TWO places on the Internet…so it MUST be true.

Imagine a World without the belief in Hidden Monsters, in vicious, demon hearts lying within seemingly-human bodies and minds. We would be easy prey for all those Monsters!

Granted, the more we look for Hidden Monsters, the more we find them. Which means the problem is basically infinite.

Actually, it’s worse. Because accusing someone of being a Monster ought to involve ostracizing that person, attacking that person, and trying to burn down everything that person has ever touched. Sure, that will destroy lots off innocent people, but that Monster may have to go to her second-favorite coffee shop because you’ve reduced her favorite one to ashes. Yeah, everyone working at the shop is out of work, or possibly burnt in the fire – but there’s always the chance that the Hidden Monster will singe her fingers, and that makes it worthwhile.

Remember, there are two ways you can determine if someone is a Hidden Monster.

First, Hidden Monsters can’t handle the truth. But they also know they’d be predictable if they lied. So I’ll leave you with this critical skill.

How To Determine If Someone Is Pretending To Be Fine But Is Actually A Hidden Monster:

  1. If they say they’re not a Monster. Because they’d obviously lie.
  2. If they say they ARE a Monster. Because they’re trying to trick you.
  3. If they give any other answer, including no answer. Because they know that #1 and #2 can be detected, so they make up a third response.

Go ahead. Ask if someone’s a Monster. I guarantee they’ll either say yes, say no, or do some other thing. I’ll bet you a hundred dollars it’ll be one or more of those three things.

Wait are you waiting for? Get out there and tear down some coffee shops. Nobody should serve caffeine to Monsters.

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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