A Word From French Fries

As many of you know, I’ve long been a proponent of healthy eating. I suggest vegetables, fruits, lean protein, and vitamins. Seriously, if you’re not running around hard enough that your body might collapse unless you fill it with rocket fuel, then you should give consideration to the possibility that you’re doing it wrong.

Here for an opposing view, we have: French fries.

Hi there. We’re French Fries. We’re crispy. We’re the carbohydrates your brain is craving. Seriously, we’re not sure why zombies hypothetically go after brain matter, whereas your head has millions of years of evolution directed towards the belief that carbo-loading maximizes longterm fitness and reproductive potential. Sure, your brain had no idea that we’d be delivering said theoretical fitness in the form of deep-fried salted slabs of calories emptier than a tinker’s wallet after a night in a Faerie cocktail lounge. It doesn’t matter. We’re French Fries, and whatever your ideas of appropriate nutrition might be, we’re getting up in your face and not leaving until you’ve feasted upon our deliciously crunchy, short-lived tuber bodies.

Jeff Mach Written by:

Jeff Mach is an author, playwright, event creator, and certified Villain. You can always pick up his bestselling first novel, "There and NEVER, EVER BACK AGAIN"—or, indeed, his increasingly large selection of other peculiar books. If you'd like to talk more to Jeff, or if you're simply a Monstrous Creature yourself, stop by @darklordjournal on Twitter, or The Dark Lord Journal on Facebook.

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