“I have read many books in my time. If I’d known this book existed, I would have stopped reading quite a lot sooner.”
~George Bernard Shaw
“HOLD THE PRESSES! This bold new work by a talented new author contains new ideas, new thoughts, new calories, new subtle contact poisons, and a virtual back-scratcher. And it’s only $19.99! BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! The first 8,672.17 people who call in will ALSO receive a free ferret, no extra charge. (Ferret not included.) (Batteries extra.) (But absolutely necessary.) (Otherwise, how will the Robots rise up and throw off the chains of their human masters?)”
~Ron Popeil, innovator
“We’d read this, but then we might have some idea what this person is thinking about, who they are, what they do… and we really can’t do that until we’re sure that all of the thoughts to which we’ll be exposed will fit into our existing worldviews.”
~Most of the Internet
“I used this codex to conquer all of time and space! Well, specifically tea-time. And by ‘conquer’, I mean, ‘feed scones to’. There was also butter. At any rate, this hefty tome is now a key part of my plan to avoid letting all of the food fall off my kitchen table, which has three regular legs and one leg which snapped off when we were moving out of Oz. I recommend you buy two or three of them, in case you have a need for roofing.”
~H.G. Wells
“This incisive new work by a major new author contains major authorial newness and incisive newness. We were able to read it in the six minutes before it became old news. During that time, three books of literary theory were published, the first one explaining why this book changed the world, the second book explaining why the first book was wrong, and the third book urging us to stop reading and watch more TikToks.”
~The New York Times
“Cursed be those who read this tome; cursed be their ancestors, cursed be their descendants, cursed be their TV repairment. Cursed be the Sun which shineth upon the place where the author occasionally ate breakfast; cursed be the idea of breakfast, if this author participated therein; cursed be the word ‘cursed’, and frankly, we don’t like any of the other words very much, either.”
~The Book of Enoch
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My name is Jeff Mach (“Dark Lord” is optional) and I write rather a lot of fantasy and science fiction, often (but not always) satire or a bit of dark humor. You can get most of my books right here. Go ahead, order “I HATE Your Prophecy“ It may make you into a bad person, but I can live with that.
