I Should Start Writing Now: An Attack on Writer's Block

I work best under pressure. (link: "Save Game")[(save-game: "MySave")] (link: "Load Game")[(load-game: "MySave")] I should start writing now but I work best under pressure and I won't be under pressure if I start writing now.... [[but if I start writing now]] [[Can I get more help with this writer's block, please? You ARE trying to help with that, right?]]

but if I start writing now I won't be under pressure I work best under pressure I should start writing now. [[I give up. I'll do a writing exercise.]] [[This may not actually help my writing career. Perhaps I should do something useful.]] [[We have the serious goal of multiple ways of creators and create.]] [[A Reluctant Expert]] [[A Practical Miner]]

Perhaps that is not the right cycle. What do I need? [[absinthe]] [[discipline]] [[I work best under pressure]] [[Here's my personal secret for defeating writer's block.]] [[eat some fingers]] [[Or you could just read this Poem by Roald Dahl.]] [[Become slightly more chaotic]] [[The Long Way Around]]

"Absinthe has produced some of my most lucid work." "I was in a Printing house in Hell, & saw the method in which knowledge is transmitted from generation to generation. In the first chamber was a Dragon-man, clearing away the rubbish from a cave’s mouth; within, a number of Dragons were hollowing the cave. In the second chamber was a Viper folding round the rock & the cave, and others adorning it with gold silver & precious stones. In the third chamber was an Eagle with wings and feathers of air, he caused the inside of the cave to be infinite, and the outside to be infinite. In the fourth chamber was a Lion of flaming fire, he caused the inside of the cave to be infinite, and the outside to be infinite. In the fifth chamber was an Unnam’d form, which was the Devil’s, and the cave was infinite. In the sixth chamber was a Man with a hammer and a forge, who was the Devil’s, and the cave was infinite. In the seventh chamber was a Man with a book, who was the Devil’s, and the cave was infinite." — either Raymond Chandler or William Blake; I forget. [[seek inspiration in the beauties of nature]] [[Slay a yak and sacrifice it to the Gods of Writing.]] [[but if I start writing now]]

You know, there's a word for no longer being lazy, and instead describing a descent into self-blame and negative delusion. It's usually called "discipline". [[give up and work at a car wash]] [[We move into the Stephen King novel "Christine"]] [[All artistic creation sucks]] [[Writing sucks]]

this is just worry. Breathe it out of your body. [[breathe]] [[go meditate]] [[success! you're ready to create!!]]

Here, let's get classically gonzo with some "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"... "Gonzo Free-Fall: A Five Minute Exercise" For exactly 5 minutes, write nonstop in first person as if you’re Hunter S. Thompson on the edge of a bad trip. Describe the exact room you’re sitting in right now — but amp it up into pure hallucinatory madness. The lamp is a vulture. The clock is laughing at you. Your coffee is plotting treason. Don’t edit, don’t stop, don’t make sense. Just let the words vomit out. When the timer dings, stop cold. You’ll have raw fuel on the page. Save it or burn it — doesn’t matter. The block is broken. Go create something savage. [[you win!]] [[uh-oh. It turns out there's more writing to do.]]

Okay, I can't see how eating fingers will help, but I've always wanted to try it. Chicken fingers will do, right? [[success! you're ready to create!!]] [[Here's my personal secret for defeating writer's block.]]

"The Pig" by Roald Dahl England once there lived a big And wonderfully clever pig. To everybody it was plain That Piggy had a massive brain. He worked out sums inside his head, There was no book he hadn’t read, He knew what made an airplane fly, He knew how engines worked and why. He knew all this, but in the end One question drove him round the bend: He simply couldn’t puzzle out What LIFE was really all about. What was the reason for his birth? Why was he placed upon this earth? His giant brain went round and round. Alas, no answer could be found, Till suddenly one wondrous night All in a flash he saw the light. He jumped up like a ballet dancer And yelled, “By gum, I’ve got the answer!” “They want my bacon slice by slice To sell at a tremendous price! They want my tender juicy chops To put in all the butchers’ shops! They want my pork to make a roast And that’s the part I hate the most! They even want my blood and bones To make into soup and dog-food scones! I’ll not be treated in this way! I’ll run away!” He packed his trunk And caught the very next train To a distant land where pigs are free And live in perfect harmony. No butchers, farmers, hounds or guns — Just pigs and pigs and pigs in tons, All wallowing in lovely mud And having a truly marvellous time. The moral of this tale, my dears, Is very short and very clear: If you are clever, brave and strong You’ll never live very long. Do NOT worry if it's simplistic. Write your own Roald Dahl-style revolting rhyme (12–25 lines). Pick an everyday animal, object, or person. Make it ridiculously smart or ambitious at the start, then twist it into something darkly hilarious or gruesome by the end. [[success! you're ready to create!!]] [[Become slightly more chaotic]]

One useful approach is to become slightly more chaotic on purpose: curious, a little anarchic but not actually destructive; someone who looks at the rules, judges them, and then decides what to do anyway. That includes writing. Write what you want. If you don’t want to write anything, write *something*. [[The Long Way Around]] [[A Reluctant Expert]] [[success! you're ready to create!!]]

Sometimes the direct path is blocked. Sometimes the tunnel has already collapsed. Sometimes the only reasonable response is to dig a completely different tunnel that no one asked for and that may or may not be useful later. This is not failure. This is just how some people make progress. [[A Practical Miner]] [[success! you're ready to create!!]]

A highly competent person who mostly just wants to be left alone looks up from a very large book and sighs. “You’re blocked? That usually means the work is still alive. Dead projects stop fighting you. I once invented something extremely powerful by accident. The only lasting benefit was that it forced everyone to leave me alone long enough to read in peace. Start with the part that irritates you most. Or the part that bores you. Both are more useful than staring. Now go away. I’m busy.” [[A Practical Miner]] [[Become slightly more chaotic]] [[success! you're ready to create!!]]

A practical person puts down a heavy tool, takes a drink, and looks at you the way one looks at a problem that has already been solved three times and still keeps coming back. “You’re overthinking it. I’ve had jobs I hated for years. I was still good at them. Write the next sentence. Then the one after that. If the whole thing collapses, dig a better one. Or take a nap. Naps are underrated. Just don’t sit there waiting for the blank page to apologize first.” [[The Long Way Around]] [[success! you're ready to create!!]]

All art is pain. If you are an artist, you create, you make. We go on because we’d look like idiots if we say “I’m a writer” and then don’t write things. It may all suck. We have to do it anyway. [[actually, you're just doing something Goth]] [[Everything is mortal. Nothing matters]] [[Become slightly more chaotic]]

Authors who don’t seem to think writing sucks: Stephen King Stephen King Stephen King The “Bright Lights, Big City” guy when he wasn’t very high. [[Slay a yak and sacrifice it to the Gods of Writing.]] [[Here's my personal secret for defeating writer's block.]]

You FINALLY figure out that ‘unbreakable’ problem in the plot. Or you don’t. Either way, open a document and put one true sentence down. Then another. [[you win!]] [[uh-oh. It turns out there's more writing to do.]]

You win! However, everyone else loses. So the Gods of Writing demand. Sorry. [[Can I get more help with this writer's block, please? You ARE trying to help with that, right?]] [[THE END. Maybe you just won't write today.]]

Do you know how to eat an elephant? YOU DON’T. THEY’RE AN ENDANGERED SPECIES, YOU MONSTER. But you DO increase the number of words you’ve written by writing more words. [[This project is impossible. It's too large.]] [[This project is impossible. It's on too small a scale to generate whatever it is I want to do.]] [[I can't do this. I'm not good enough.]]

All right. One bite at a time. Relax. Keep going. Then keep going. Then keep going. Trust me. Writing something that feels insignificant both feels better, and advances the project better, than staring into space being upset with yourself over being a writer. [[success! you're ready to create!!]]

You have the creativity to make things. You can find a way to bring some pleasure into the world. It’s possible, and it’s real, and it’s worth doing. [[success! you're ready to create!!]]

You are far too biased to make an accurate assessment of your capabilities. Do some more work on it. You will always wonder if you could have done it. Go write. [[success! you're ready to create!!]] [[No! Seriously you're too biased. Let's talk about why.]]

THE END. Maybe you just won’t write today. It’s a good day to eat a lot of ice cream. Or: THE PERFECT IDEA: That’s what you really need, the perfect idea. I wish I had it for you. (But you already have enough imperfect ones. Start with one of those.) [[Start]]

We have discovered the beauties of nature! Which don’t care about us at all. It’s very boring. Wrote poem: “I wish I had a desk or something”. Did not keep. [[I work best under pressure]] [[laudanum]]

This is a GREAT idea. Except (a) The Gods of Writing have no interest in yaks (b) There are two authors who have done this with success: Robert Howard and Louis L’Amour. If you think you’re that cool, go ahead. (c) The owner of the yak will be pissed. (d) Not as mad as the yak. (e) and even if you WERE that mad, (f) it wouldn’t be as mad as you are about this being completely unhelpful and full of writer’s block. [[Everything is mortal. Nothing matters]] [[give up and work at a car wash]]

This is “Workin’ At The Car Wash Blues”... (Full lyrics as you had them) Okay, that may not be entirely useful. We recommend..... [[laudanum]] [[success! you're ready to create!!]]

“Of the pleasures and pains of opium much has been written...” [[you die a horrible death and yet...]]

...you wake up a brand new person, a baby who doesn’t have any words... ...but has a huge need to speak. And, eventually, write. Dammit. [[We have the serious goal of multiple ways of creators and create.]] [[success! you're ready to create!!]]

**A Brief Zen-Influenced Meditation for Writers** (Find a quiet seat... full meditation text as you had it...) [[but if I start writing now]] [[wait, I'm inspired!]] [[oh dear. Now I want to give you a random piece of Zen.]]

Everyone tells you to do it. Breathe. No, really. Try it. [[success! you're ready to create!!]] [[eat some fingers]]

I shall write a science fiction story about people who carry around little screens which brainwash them and might be bad for them. This will be very edgy! [[you win!]]

You’re SUPPOSED to be depressed. I’m trying to help. [[you die a horrible death and yet...]] [[Everything is mortal. Nothing matters]]

“Well, everything dies, baby, that’s a fact...” [[go meditate]] [[I would tell you to get drunk, but people would yell at me.]] [[All artistic creation sucks]]

Relax. The words WILL come. Even if you have to choke them all to death first. [[it's a bit on the nose, but we're going to try to attack the writer's block.]] [[But at least this is a careful experiment.]]

Right. Only YOU are you. You’re in control of you... not this program, not any instructions we give you. However. Your brain will tell you wrong sometimes. A part of it just doesn’t want to go through whatever it is you need to do. Let’s all say it together: [[All artistic creation sucks]]

“If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything; it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities; in the expert’s mind there are few.” — Shunryu Suzuki Roshi [[Or this whole thing is a scam.]] [[But at least this is a careful experiment.]]